did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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