ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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