It was confusing and full of hummus
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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