I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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