White coat. Heels.
we have officially lost it.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
