How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
