It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
