And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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