my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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