fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
