yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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