I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
