Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
