DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We had to coat check the pizza.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
