I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This house was built for laser tag.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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