I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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