Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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