Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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