If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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