So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Boobs speak an international language.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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