He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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