everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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