Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
