She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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