I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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