Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
