I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
