she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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