Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
