I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
