y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
