I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
