Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What a dumb baby whore.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then you guys just all showered together...?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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