I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
