ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're making bets on your personal life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
