his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
