I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
