In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
