Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
