Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
