he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
