Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Terrible idea I love it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
