wanna go halves on a baby?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
