MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you never un-have a 4some
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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