Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
