Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
