he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
