remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Less talking, more tequila
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Rumble strips road head = magical
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
