I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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