i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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