I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
