I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
