Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
