I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
